Category: Courage

BATTLE WITHIN

Courage, Living Strong, , , , , , , ,

worriesI believe we all have a battle within and it is the biggest and most consistent one we will ever have to fight.  If you don’t think you have a battle within, ask yourself if you ever worry about things you don’t want to or if you haven’t done things that you wish you had.  Obviously, we all have.

There are, of course times, when to work on worries or concerns can be of value, if it is done constructively.  Let’s talk about the Times when you don’t want to think or give attention to your worry.  For me, the Times worry comes to me and is the most powerful in the evening when the day is done and the sun is down.  Worries can come to me in all different forms. Worry may come to me in the form of uncertainty about my future, my self-confidence, self esteem, my value and worth as a person, financial concerns, and many others.  Another time when worry comes to visit in a powerful way is when l don’t feel well, for whatever reason. I could have allergies flaring, sinus issues, a bad cough or headache, or maybe l am just feeling off emotionally, like not feeling very resilient or overly sensitive for whatever reason.

The above are all examples of when worry can be most potent and tend to affect me and, at times, even my outlook on my life.

Don’t you love it when people say, “You think too much.  Stop worrying about it.”  Oh, my God! That is brilliant!!! I never thought of that. How did you come up with that?  Give me a break, will ya?” Man, that’s the person I’m gonna go running to for advice when l feel off, weak, or out of sorts!  You want to say, “Please leave immediately, if not sooner.” So much for those who make matters worse. We could talk about that all night.

I’d rather discuss things that can help the present challenging situation or moment, not make it worse. Here are the kinds of things that help me. First of all, l don’t shame myself or make myself feel worse because I can’t snap out of it. It is what it is. And anyone who doesn’t understand that is really in poor shape internally. When some form of worry comes to me in the evening, l will tell myself that l am not going to think on this at least until the sun comes up. I try to never address a problem of mine when l feel off or really vulnerable. My viewpoint is skewed by my mood and things can appear much worse and negative than what they really are in reality.

I also remind myself that when l do feel better to not address my problem unless l am willing to take action toward improving or correcting it. Otherwise, I am just ruminating and making things worse. It also helps to frequently remind myself that I don’t have a crystal ball and know the future even though I think I do, especially when I am feeling low. Suspend addressing it until you feel better and are willing to take some small action toward improving it even if you don’t know what that action is yet. Being willing to take action and knowing what action to take are 2 entirely different things. For me, being willing to take action now is more important and difficult to achieve than knowing what that action is. It is more difficult for me to be WILLING to take action than it is to figure out the next move. I have found that if I am prepared internally and committed to taking some positive action, then knowing what to do next will show up more easily. The WILLINGNESS to take committed action is powerful, as is the opposite.  

Another helpful tip is to have a reasonable plan and then not let the worry monster jar you. I can have a plan of what I am going to do, and worry can still come on around and nail me into fear as if I never had a plan at all. That’s just the ignorance and arrogance of worry. It helps me to be more arrogant and ignorant than worry, regardless of how it is making me feel, by not engaging in it, no matter how tempting it is or powerful it feels. Get busy doing something. Paying attention to reality in the present moment is another powerful way I have found to combat worry. Immerse yourself in this present moment of reality.

I hope this helps.  Stay ahead of your worrisome mind by allowing it to make you feel not at your best and yet continue in accordance with what you have available (internally) at that time.  If you give it nothing to fight against, it ceases to exist.

All the best to you until next time.  -Gregg

Dismantling Fear’s Grip Is Much Easier Than You Think!

Anxiety, Courage, Fear, , , , , , ,

Face your fearFear.

Fear is a four-lettered word that holds us back from what we really want to achieve and become in life. It tells us terrible lies about ourselves, about the people around us, and about the world that we live in. If given enough power, fear can tighten its grip on us and cast aside our courage in one fell swoop. You can even hear it snidely whisper in your ear, “You’re all mine, and I’m never letting you go.”

At this point, there are two actions you can take. You can either bow down to fear and let it rule your life, or you can stand up to it and face it head-on.

When it comes to our fears and anxieties, we tend to avoid them. Scared of huge bridges? Don’t drive over them. Terrified of heights? Better not go up to view the city skyline 20+ floors above the ground. Frightened of insects or flying things? Hiking and camping are probably out for you then.

But if we were to obey our fears and avoid the things that scare us the most, our world becomes quite small, doesn’t it? Your fear could stop you from getting the job you want, seeing your favorite sports team or musicians play live, experiencing nature’s beauty with a loved one, or making memories with the people you hold closest to your heart. What kind of a life is that?

I’m here to tell you that fear isn’t permanent. You don’t have to live with it! You can actually do something about it. If you have OCD, you know that the disorder is based on “what if?” scenarios and an intolerance of the unknown. For instance, let’s say you’re afraid of bridges over large bodies of water. You might do everything in your power to avoid driving on bridges because you think up scary scenarios such as, “What if I accidentally drive off the side of the bridge? What if I get stuck in traffic and the bridge shakes so much that it collapses? What if I get stuck and then get sick and have nowhere to go or pass out?” These fears can become very debilitating. Heck, your palms might be sweating just reading this if you have this fear.

So how do you overcome that fear? Face it! Stand up and say, “I’m not afraid of bridges, and if I am, well, I won’t be for long!” Expose yourself to the fear by taking baby steps and driving over bridges. Your instinct might be to run away from the fear, but you will only let it win over you! By repeated exposures to things you fear the most, you will begin to dismantle fear’s grip over you. In fact, you might begin to see beauty in the things you feared the most – the twilight winking over the city skyline, the way the water laps peacefully under the beautiful bridge, the glory of the mountainsides and gorges in the world, and the way that fireflies light up to decorate the summer night sky.

I know that getting over your fears isn’t easy. Trust me, it’s going to take some time, and that’s okay! Just keep your spirits up and keep trying. If you find that going it alone is difficult, reach out and call me at (636) 236-2267 – I would be more than happy to help you through your journey! In the meantime, here are 10 inspirational quotes about conquering fear. I hope that they are helpful for you!

“When a resolute fellow steps up to the great bully – the world – and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventures.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” –Unknown

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today.” –William Allen White

“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” – Japanese Proverb

“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.” – Helen Keller

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” –Dale Carnegie

“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” –Marie Curie

“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” – Henry Ford

“Fear can’t hurt you. When it washes over you, give it no power. It’s a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.” –Maureen Johnson

The Power of Not Resisting

Anxiety, Courage, Powerful living, , , , ,

free womanAs Dr. Reid Wilson (www.anxieties.com) was saying yesterday, we only have OCD or any anxiety disorder if we are resisting what is coming to us in our thoughts and feelings (automatic thoughts that just show up in our minds and/or feelings that we are feeling in THAT moment, each and every moment).

Think about that for a minute. Don’t think about your particular thoughts or feelings that you hate. Just think about what he said in general. Look how hard we work at trying to get rid of thoughts and feelings. If we WORKED at not resisting them instead, what would happen? I mean, what REAL harm can come to us if we don’t resist what thoughts show up in our heads at any given moment or feelings we are experiencing at any moment? Actually, nothing REAL could happen to us. So how about we cut the resisting part out (work at it), and TRUST, just for a day or 2 or 3, that this could quite possibly be the only thing we need to do to free us from our “powerful” afflictions that we have in our thoughts and feelings.

I can attest to it 100% that when l resist the thoughts and feelings that come to me in that moment, (by demanding that they leave or change), l keep my anxiety disorder in motion. I can also attest that when l don’t resist and just sort of work on leaving my random thoughts and feelings alone, my anxiety disorder really does truly start easing up and backing off. The only other piece l have found is that once l do the above, I then need to get on with my life in that moment (each and every one), regardless of certain thoughts that may be there or feelings that l may be experiencing in that moment.

Give yourself a break and work at not resisting. You will not be disappointed with the results. It’s no more complicated than that.

Strength In Weakness

Courage, Powerful living

When we feel our absolute worst is when our greatest opportunity is for growth. When you are in this state don’t fight it or feel bad about it but do some small productive action. When we do do this we send a powerful message to our brain that our moods and feelings are not in charge…the best part of who we are is. When this is done on a repeated basis what happens?  What would be different about your life if you actually lived like this?

Act As If

Courage, Living Strong

 

Act As If

If your ultimate goal or dream came true how would YOU be different?  Would anything be different about your energy level, your sense of happiness, your attitude, your outlook on life and others? The way you would think, the way you would carry yourself, the way you would interact with others, your confidence level?  Would you still have the same worries and concerns?  So, “act as if.”  Act as if you have already arrived.  Be that person now and you will arrive sooner because you are being that now and how we “be” determines what we get.  Typical thinking has it backwards.  Typical thinking thinks the order is:  Have, Do, Be.  How backward that is.  The most powerful and effective order is:  Be, Do, Have.  By being that which we want, life will change for us and others around us… which will then create more opportunities for us to do that which will cause us to have more of what we powerfully want.  As a bonus, by acting as if we have already arrived we live a life of purpose, power, and happiness the moment we choose to begin.  Why not begin now?  Is there anything to lose?  Is there anything to be gained?

Encouragement

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My outlook must be bigger and stronger than my fear.

Live free of mental fear and emotional fear that holds us back.

Go unready.

You must believe in the treatment.

Refuse to feed OCD anymore – starve it!

“If I imagine something inappropriate then that means I’m a bad person and I can’t handle that!”….versus “If I imagine something inappropriate then I’ll feel uncertain and anxious. And I CAN handle that.”

This Week’s Insights

Courage, Living Strong, OCD, Uncertainty, , , , , , , ,

bravery

The content of your obsession is irrelevant.

Go hard towards uncertainty with courage and wanting it. Don’t protect. Attack OCD’s territory.

Refuse to be comfortable or certain.

Accept and be willing to be influenced by the moment, environment, discomfort/pain.

Be awkward, clumsy, and uncertain. Our brains have to deal with variability: in environment, in movement, in life.

What to Do When You Feel Panicky

Anxiety, Courage, Living Strong, , , , , , , ,

(Objectify, quantify, assess, & duration)

1) Describe the sensation/experience. What do you feel? – Heart, lungs, muscles,… which muscles feel tense? Create an analogy, i.e. ‘my stomach feels like someone is twisting a towel’, ‘the pain in my head feels like someone is driving a spike through it.’

2) Measure the intensity on a 1-10 scale. Rate the level of anxiety.

3) Honestly ask yourself, can I stand this?…do I have room in my life to experience this right now. Recognize your choices. Willingly enduring the anxiety without bailing out or bailing out and seeking relief.

4) If you decide to endure it, pick a period of time like 10 minutes. If you choose not to endure the feeling, try breath exercises or muscle relaxation or focus attention on an object outside of your body. If it’s not worth the struggle to be tolerant, bail out anyway. That is still available to you.

5) Challenge the experience to get worse. Dare the anxiety to increase.

 

If any of you try this, I’d like to hear how it worked or didn’t work for you.Let me know.

Insights into Fighting OCD

Anxiety, Courage, Living Strong, OCD, , , , , , , , , , ,

“When you’re going through hell, keep moving.”

Before doing ERP – alter your mindset by ‘wanting anxiety’ and then act on that frame of reference as you engage in that feared situation.

Say to yourself “I can tolerate this happening. I want this to happen, I choose it – I really want it to keep happening – I win if it keeps happening!”

My job is to provoke more doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty than I think I can tolerate.

UNCERTAINTY and COMMITMENT

Courage, Uncertainty, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Okay here’s the deal,  I’m 50 and have had OCD since I was 18.  It pretty much came out of nowhere, although looking back it’s obvious I had the predisposition for it.  I know I should go in order and introduce myself and tell my story and all that, but today I’m just diving into something that will help me because I am feeling obsessive and anxious today about uncertainty as it relates to life and my well being.  Here’s the content of this particular obsession for me:  I had a very difficult stomach issue about 3 years ago where I had inflammation of the stomach lining. I was nauseous and had no appetite and felt tired and weak due to it.  I also was very depressed because It had just been 4 months since I came off the medicine I was on for OCD that I had been taking for 14 years.  I came off way too fast and the PSYCHOLOGIST that was advising me to come off it had no idea what he was doing in this area. He acted like it and because he had helped me so much in our therapy sessions with exposure and cognitive therapy, I believed him and went for it…big mistake.

Once the medicine was 100 percent out of my system, it caused me to feel depressed and I hadn’t done well with depression in the past.  Then I started feeling obsessive soon after  and now I didn’t have the help of the medicine to help me fight it.  In addition to this was my stomach issue, no desire for food or the opposite sex, the inability to enjoy a glass of wine, and the fact that a 4 year relationship I had with a woman had just come to an end. I was really worked over and did not feel good.  So I got back on medicine and back in therapy and aggressively started doing exposures. I met the woman of my total dreams, whom I am now married to, and I gradually got better.  Furthermore, I started a support group which helped me immensely. I also started a new business.  All of this helped in time and I am now doing well. Today, however, I had a visit from the common obsession that goes something like this:  “How do you know you won’t go back to feeling bad like you did before?What would you do if the worst happened and you got depressed and nauseous again and had terrible pains in your stomach, and NOTHING could help me, what would you do then? ”  I respond in my mind and say , well I could work out and do exposures………and what if that didn’t work?  Well I could check myself into the hospital and certainly they could take the pain and anguish away……..but what if they couldn’t and I just remained in pain and anguish and suffering with deep depression and OCD and NOTHING helped, what then?  So I tell myself, well there is an end in sight because ultimately I would die and I wouldn’t be in anguish anymore.  But what if after I died it carried on forever and ever and anguish and suffering never ended……..what then?  Maybe that’s what hell is and maybe I will go there and maybe….and maybe…..and maybe, maybe, maybe….. .   Beautiful thought process and concept indeed isn’t it?  Just lovely and uplifting and positive!!  Right?  Wrong.

So here is how I deal with the above.  First of all, It sucks.  Secondly, I stopped searching for certainty because that is what is feeding this evil villain.  “But how can I live with uncertainty?”  Honestly, I never knew before and sometimes I get back in that place like I feel the pull is today.  So here’s the deal, I don’t have certainty and we don’t on anything.  First reaction is that  sucks and that I can’t live like that because I’ll go crazy with that kind of fear OR get deeply depressed to where I can’t move and I just sit there and suffer in anguish.   So there’s no certainty…ultimately, and anything could happen……ultimately.   Okay, that’s reality, that’s it.  No that’s not it!   You forgot about one thing here….ME.   You see last time I checked, I have a choice here, as long as there is breath in my body.  So you see, life and reality and afterlife and hell can do whatever it wants to me but I still get to decide what I’m going to do right now…… BIG piece of this, not to be overlooked.  So now this is where I take over and I say “AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATH IN MY BODY, I WILL FIGHT THIS AND I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE HELPING THOSE WHO ARE SUFFERING WITH THIS.”  That’s what I go with.  So it’s like, if you’re (OCD) threatening me all of my life that you’re going to destroy me, I don’t know if you will or won’t. What I do know is that I have a CHOICE as to wether I am going to live my life to the best of my ability or whether I am going to spend my precious days on earth worried about whether or not you are going to destroy me. I could spend my days ruminating about what I would do or how I would handle it if that happened.  That’s a loser’s game and I get to decide whether I am going to play it or not and SO DO YOU.  That whole notion can kiss my ass!  As long as I am alive I have a CHOICE and I will CHOOSE the courageous, powerful, sensible, life fulfilling one every time.  As long as I have a CHOICE as to whether you take me or not, I WILL exercise it……..EVERY time!  CHOOSE TO FIGHT.