Why? Because fear, of some sort, quite possibly may be holding you back from your joy as well as your success, as well as your deepest and truest you. When we are afraid, we contract. We close off and become smaller even in tiny ways. When this happens, we are obviously not growing. When we grow there is an openness and a more. Fear does not allow openness or inner growth. Fear controls and contracts. It does not liberate and expand. What does liberate and expand? When there is an absence of fear what is there? We can’t realize what is there until we begin to root out and dissolve the fear in us. When we do that then we see what is there and it’s propelling and very powerful, and deep, but this doesn’t mean anything until we do it. What’s real is when we do it and begin rooting out and dissolving fear in ourselves because then something has actually happened. How do we do this? How do we root out and dissolve fear? This is where a little bit of work comes into play. This is the action step versus just reading about it and being interested.
The first (powerful) step is to be able to recognize when we are afraid and get to know this feeling in ourselves so we can recognize it and then do something with it. We can’t dissolve fear within us until we recognize it. I know what fear feels like in me. I used to not be able to recognize fear within me even though I was afraid at least 50% or more of the time of something or another. How can that be? How could I be so afraid so often and not recognize it as fear in me? It’s called being cut off from my feelings and if I did feel afraid, I never thought of it as fear. I may have never thought of it as fear but it sure as hell was. Not only did I not know it was fear (mainly because I wouldn’t be honest with myself) but I tried to get the hell away from whatever that was as quickly as possible. Therein was the lost opportunity to connect deeply and profoundly. Choice did not exist. Choice did not exist because I hightailed out of there when that whatever thing (feeling) showed up in me. When you rush to flee are you choosing? You are not choosing. You are panicking. It makes sense that you would panic because it does not feel natural to sit with fear. The message fear naturally delivers is get out of there! Or it delivers the message “Fight”. If we flee or fight, we don’t get to know the fear or how it affects us inside. It’s very hard to just allow fear and follow how it affects us inside. Just try and you will see. So, how do you do it. The first step is to desire to. If you don’t desire it, you won’t really try and then it won’t happen. Okay, so you desire it because you want something different for your life and you’re willing to try this to see if something different can come about for you. You want this because you are willing to accept that perhaps rooting out and dissolving fear inside you may bring peace, fulfillment, happiness, and even success, and maybe even more. You don’t know if it is true or not, but you will never know until you give it a shot and try and see. Okay, so the first step in allowing fear in us and then following how it affects us inside is to decide that you want to be able to do that. The next step is to start experimenting. It’s just like when you try something new. You just start trying, just like riding a bike or anything. When we experiment, it may feel clumsy and unsuccessful and awkward. That is how you start. You start by jumping in and trying and experimenting. So, don’t try to do it perfectly or right. So, the way to recognize fear in you is to start being aware of how you feel. Ask yourself, how do I feel right now? Then just kind of feel that feeling or sort of intentionally let it be there. When you get in the habit of that in general then it makes doing it with the fear feeling a little more doable. When you ask and then allow it more so and let it kind of take you and keep breathing and trust and hang in there with it then you’re starting to do it. The fear feeling will try to make you feel like this is wrong to just let this be here and to move closer to it. Just allow that feeling and move into it as well. What happens is not your responsibility when you allow the feeling and move closer to it with your being. You may feel like you have to be in control of what is going to happen next and that you have to have the answer out of this. Practice not falling for that. Practice letting whatever thought and whatever feeling is there at that instant to just be there if it wants to. Let it do what it wants. If it wants to hang around then let it and move closer with curiosity. If it wants to leave, then allow that as well. This is not up to us what we feel or think next. Our job is to be with what is when it is and keep breathing and keep practicing in allowing it to be there and maybe moving closer to it, having a curiosity about it. Ask yourself what this is as if you have never felt it before and keep feeling it as much as you can for as long as it is around. We always want to be in control including being in control of what we feel next or getting out of what we are presently feeling if it scares us. Practice resisting the impulse to get out of the feeling that scares you. Practice allowing it and looking at it and breathing and allowing and feeling it more. Feel it. Feel it. Feel it. Sit up straight and look at it and feel it more intentionally while never losing your seat no matter how scary, sad, bad, or hopeless. That’s the work. The work is practice more than anything. Keep coming back. Discover your core by allowing all of your feeling. Whatever is there let it be there. Feelings and thoughts come and go and are not up to us. It is up to us to allow them to be there if they want to be. It is up to us what we do, not what we randomly think or feel at any time. Be responsible allowing and be responsible choosing our actions not necessarily based on our thoughts or feelings. Choose to do things in your life that are based on what is important to you in the big scheme of life not based on what you are feeling or thinking in a given instant. Remember not to fight what you feel but practice allowing it and kind of being curious about it like it is a separate entity and as if this is this first time you ever felt this. Ask, what is this, and then allow, follow, and watch. There is no you changing it.
All posts by gregsansone
The Mind Trap
I use to think that my thinking was the way to resolve an issue that bothered me until it no longer did. It was a realization for me to learn that thinking is not the end all to getting rid of unwanted thoughts, sensations, or emotions. Some unpleasant thoughts, sensations, and emotions were spontaneous in that they just showed up randomly. Others were a result of my own anxious thinking. I thought for sure that the ones that came from my thinking could be resolved by my thinking. Not the case. Thinking is only 1 tool we have. Thinking is only good for certain things such as practical matters and choices, etc. It is not to be used to undue intrusive thoughts or worries. If I can’t think my way out of it then I’m screwed, right? I certainly believed that for the longest time and so I persisted for decades to undo unwanted, intrusive thoughts. All it got me was exhausted and precious time wasted that could have been spent living my life. If not thinking, then what? I learned through experience that action and commitment to what is important to me, if this troubling matter wasn’t present in my life, was and is the answer. Now that’s powerful. Wow. Can I do that? It takes work but I learned yes I sure can. So when an intrusive thought, worry, sensation, or emotion comes to me what do I do? The 1st step is not to think on it. Rather, I know ahead of time what kind of life I want to live based on what is important to me and what I want to be remembered for when I am no longer here and then I DO something that has to do with that. That’s it. The problem, you might say, is that you feel bad still while doing that thing that you value or that matters to you personally. That is true. That does happen. When an unpleasant or intrusive thought or sensation comes to me and I don’t try to think or reason it away then it feels uncomfortable to me and I do feel distressed. This is the price for freedom. I and we have to be willing to feel uncomfortable temporarily as a result of not getting in the mind trap but rather getting in action, regardless of how we feel, doing something that is consistent with what we deeply value in life. There it is. That’s the path to freedom I found. Try it for 2 days and you won’t be disappointed with the results and don’t keep track if you are feeling good or not. Just do it for 2 days! Fight through the discomfort and do it. Persist. You will see. Let’s do our work on the path to freedom!
Feeling Off
Why do we beat up on ourselves when we are feeling off? Accept it. It is what it is. We are human. Some days we feel good; some days we don’t. That is a fact. The only thing to do with that is hands-off. We aren’t responsible for how we feel, good or bad, in any given moment. We only need to do what we have to do that day or how much we can with how we feel. Yes, not letting our feelings determine what we do next is a powerful way to live, but that doesn’t mean we try to change how we feel in any given moment. We don’t control the weather and we don’t control how or what we feel. Accept where you are and how you feel in any given moment and do what you can do moment by moment, and that is it. Don’t get involved with what you don’t control and do what you can control to your best judgment and your reasonable best.
BATTLE WITHIN
I believe we all have a battle within and it is the biggest and most consistent one we will ever have to fight. If you don’t think you have a battle within, ask yourself if you ever worry about things you don’t want to or if you haven’t done things that you wish you had. Obviously, we all have.
There are, of course times, when to work on worries or concerns can be of value, if it is done constructively. Let’s talk about the Times when you don’t want to think or give attention to your worry. For me, the Times worry comes to me and is the most powerful in the evening when the day is done and the sun is down. Worries can come to me in all different forms. Worry may come to me in the form of uncertainty about my future, my self-confidence, self esteem, my value and worth as a person, financial concerns, and many others. Another time when worry comes to visit in a powerful way is when l don’t feel well, for whatever reason. I could have allergies flaring, sinus issues, a bad cough or headache, or maybe l am just feeling off emotionally, like not feeling very resilient or overly sensitive for whatever reason.
The above are all examples of when worry can be most potent and tend to affect me and, at times, even my outlook on my life.
Don’t you love it when people say, “You think too much. Stop worrying about it.” Oh, my God! That is brilliant!!! I never thought of that. How did you come up with that? Give me a break, will ya?” Man, that’s the person I’m gonna go running to for advice when l feel off, weak, or out of sorts! You want to say, “Please leave immediately, if not sooner.” So much for those who make matters worse. We could talk about that all night.
I’d rather discuss things that can help the present challenging situation or moment, not make it worse. Here are the kinds of things that help me. First of all, l don’t shame myself or make myself feel worse because I can’t snap out of it. It is what it is. And anyone who doesn’t understand that is really in poor shape internally. When some form of worry comes to me in the evening, l will tell myself that l am not going to think on this at least until the sun comes up. I try to never address a problem of mine when l feel off or really vulnerable. My viewpoint is skewed by my mood and things can appear much worse and negative than what they really are in reality.
I also remind myself that when l do feel better to not address my problem unless l am willing to take action toward improving or correcting it. Otherwise, I am just ruminating and making things worse. It also helps to frequently remind myself that I don’t have a crystal ball and know the future even though I think I do, especially when I am feeling low. Suspend addressing it until you feel better and are willing to take some small action toward improving it even if you don’t know what that action is yet. Being willing to take action and knowing what action to take are 2 entirely different things. For me, being willing to take action now is more important and difficult to achieve than knowing what that action is. It is more difficult for me to be WILLING to take action than it is to figure out the next move. I have found that if I am prepared internally and committed to taking some positive action, then knowing what to do next will show up more easily. The WILLINGNESS to take committed action is powerful, as is the opposite.
Another helpful tip is to have a reasonable plan and then not let the worry monster jar you. I can have a plan of what I am going to do, and worry can still come on around and nail me into fear as if I never had a plan at all. That’s just the ignorance and arrogance of worry. It helps me to be more arrogant and ignorant than worry, regardless of how it is making me feel, by not engaging in it, no matter how tempting it is or powerful it feels. Get busy doing something. Paying attention to reality in the present moment is another powerful way I have found to combat worry. Immerse yourself in this present moment of reality.
I hope this helps. Stay ahead of your worrisome mind by allowing it to make you feel not at your best and yet continue in accordance with what you have available (internally) at that time. If you give it nothing to fight against, it ceases to exist.
All the best to you until next time. -Gregg
Dismantling Fear’s Grip Is Much Easier Than You Think!
Fear.
Fear is a four-lettered word that holds us back from what we really want to achieve and become in life. It tells us terrible lies about ourselves, about the people around us, and about the world that we live in. If given enough power, fear can tighten its grip on us and cast aside our courage in one fell swoop. You can even hear it snidely whisper in your ear, “You’re all mine, and I’m never letting you go.”
At this point, there are two actions you can take. You can either bow down to fear and let it rule your life, or you can stand up to it and face it head-on.
When it comes to our fears and anxieties, we tend to avoid them. Scared of huge bridges? Don’t drive over them. Terrified of heights? Better not go up to view the city skyline 20+ floors above the ground. Frightened of insects or flying things? Hiking and camping are probably out for you then.
But if we were to obey our fears and avoid the things that scare us the most, our world becomes quite small, doesn’t it? Your fear could stop you from getting the job you want, seeing your favorite sports team or musicians play live, experiencing nature’s beauty with a loved one, or making memories with the people you hold closest to your heart. What kind of a life is that?
I’m here to tell you that fear isn’t permanent. You don’t have to live with it! You can actually do something about it. If you have OCD, you know that the disorder is based on “what if?” scenarios and an intolerance of the unknown. For instance, let’s say you’re afraid of bridges over large bodies of water. You might do everything in your power to avoid driving on bridges because you think up scary scenarios such as, “What if I accidentally drive off the side of the bridge? What if I get stuck in traffic and the bridge shakes so much that it collapses? What if I get stuck and then get sick and have nowhere to go or pass out?” These fears can become very debilitating. Heck, your palms might be sweating just reading this if you have this fear.
So how do you overcome that fear? Face it! Stand up and say, “I’m not afraid of bridges, and if I am, well, I won’t be for long!” Expose yourself to the fear by taking baby steps and driving over bridges. Your instinct might be to run away from the fear, but you will only let it win over you! By repeated exposures to things you fear the most, you will begin to dismantle fear’s grip over you. In fact, you might begin to see beauty in the things you feared the most – the twilight winking over the city skyline, the way the water laps peacefully under the beautiful bridge, the glory of the mountainsides and gorges in the world, and the way that fireflies light up to decorate the summer night sky.
I know that getting over your fears isn’t easy. Trust me, it’s going to take some time, and that’s okay! Just keep your spirits up and keep trying. If you find that going it alone is difficult, reach out and call me at (636) 236-2267 – I would be more than happy to help you through your journey! In the meantime, here are 10 inspirational quotes about conquering fear. I hope that they are helpful for you!
“When a resolute fellow steps up to the great bully – the world – and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventures.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” –Unknown
“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday, and I love today.” –William Allen White
“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows.” – Japanese Proverb
“Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. The fearful are caught as often as the bold.” – Helen Keller
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” –Eleanor Roosevelt
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” –Dale Carnegie
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” –Marie Curie
“One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.” – Henry Ford
“Fear can’t hurt you. When it washes over you, give it no power. It’s a snake with no venom. Remember that. That knowledge can save you.” –Maureen Johnson
The Power of Not Resisting
As Dr. Reid Wilson (www.anxieties.com) was saying yesterday, we only have OCD or any anxiety disorder if we are resisting what is coming to us in our thoughts and feelings (automatic thoughts that just show up in our minds and/or feelings that we are feeling in THAT moment, each and every moment).
Think about that for a minute. Don’t think about your particular thoughts or feelings that you hate. Just think about what he said in general. Look how hard we work at trying to get rid of thoughts and feelings. If we WORKED at not resisting them instead, what would happen? I mean, what REAL harm can come to us if we don’t resist what thoughts show up in our heads at any given moment or feelings we are experiencing at any moment? Actually, nothing REAL could happen to us. So how about we cut the resisting part out (work at it), and TRUST, just for a day or 2 or 3, that this could quite possibly be the only thing we need to do to free us from our “powerful” afflictions that we have in our thoughts and feelings.
I can attest to it 100% that when l resist the thoughts and feelings that come to me in that moment, (by demanding that they leave or change), l keep my anxiety disorder in motion. I can also attest that when l don’t resist and just sort of work on leaving my random thoughts and feelings alone, my anxiety disorder really does truly start easing up and backing off. The only other piece l have found is that once l do the above, I then need to get on with my life in that moment (each and every one), regardless of certain thoughts that may be there or feelings that l may be experiencing in that moment.
Give yourself a break and work at not resisting. You will not be disappointed with the results. It’s no more complicated than that.
5 Powerful Steps to Help You Overcome Anxiety
Most if not all people have experienced some level of anxiety at some point in their lives. Whether it’s trying something new, meeting someone for the first time, or facing a fear, there are moments in our lives in which we have to overcome anxiety in order to move on with our lives and function in a normal life setting.
Not everyone experiences severe or extreme anxiety. Sometimes anxiety can be so overwhelming for a person that he or she is unable to function or carry out normal daily tasks. In these cases, it is important for a person to not only know some steps they can take to help relieve this anxiety but also how to seek help to overcome the anxiety in the long run.
Here are a 5 few steps you can take when you feel anxious:
1. Recognize the Signs of Your Anxiety – Take note of what makes you feel anxious, and note the signs of panic. Literally write them down if you need. Sometimes writing or listing these signs or symptoms out can help us recognize them and better understand them as they start to happen when anxiety comes on.
2. Take a Few Deep Breaths – When you are in a state of panic or are feeling anxious, adrenaline is released into your body. Taking a few deep breaths will help your body to burn off that adrenaline and calm down. Count to four as you are taking deep breaths to ease your mind and focus on thinking clearly.
3. List Your Fears – Most of the time what you are afraid of is not always as urgent as you make it out to be in your mind. Listing out fears or triggers of your anxiety will help you identify the cause. By listing these out when you are not anxious, you can think more clearly about what you are really anxious about and how to stop those negative thoughts from flooding your mind.
4. Check the Facts – With anxiety often come negative thoughts. Many times when we are experiencing fear or anxiety, we begin to think untrue negative thoughts that are just that – thoughts. Realize that these aren’t hard, cold facts; they are simply made-up negative thoughts. Before you get yourself in too deep with these thoughts, list out the facts of the situation and focus on those instead of the “what-if’s.”
5. Think Positively – Like I stated in the previous step, anxiety and fear tend to trigger us to have many negative, untrue thoughts. When you begin to have these thoughts, stop and realize it and begin to turn them into positive thoughts. Thinking positively can help relieve the anxiety and help you to feel calm and be more relaxed.
If you are experiencing anxiety on a more frequent basis and it prevents you from performing regular daily activities, give me a call at (636) 236-2267. Let’s talk about what is bothering you and how I can help you take these steps along with some others to help you overcome your anxiety. You don’t have to let it run your life!
Local Professional Life Coach Provides Superior Service to OCD Sufferers, Pens Book on How to Confront the Disorder
ST. LOUIS – Suffering from anxiety, depression, or obsessive-compulsive disorder can understatedly be hard, and it can be an even more daunting of a task to undertake alone or without the help of a professional. Now there is relief for those who suffer from these disorders in the Greater St. Louis region.
Gregory Sansone, a local professional life coach, has been providing personal one-on-one coaching and group sessions for five years. These sessions are geared toward children and adults who suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, and anxiety. Group sessions can include spouses, significant others, and parents living with someone who is suffering from the aforementioned disorders.
Aside from his life coach services, Sansone is available for speaking engagements and seminars, which are focused on powerful living. He has spoken to over 300 professionals through CentrePointe Hospital as a consultant in assisting those who suffer with these incredibly disabling disorders. He has also been on the radio speaking as a professional on the matter and has traveled the country from coast to coast, seeking out the best in his relentless pursuit of OCD recovery.
“I’m honored to provide help to those who might be going through what I once experienced,” said Sanson, a former sufferer of OCD, anxiety, and depression. “I strongly believe in living powerfully and confronting our problems head-on. Living powerfully is about refusing to allow our fears to determine our choices for us, and I want to help others see that truth and apply it in their own lives successfully.”
Sansone has also written a book about the struggle of living with OCD and how one can confront the disorder. The book is called Commit Emotional Suicide, and it can be purchased through his website at www.gregorysansone.com.
Local Professional Life Coach and OCD Consultant Releases Book to Help OCD Sufferers to Confront the Disorder
ST. LOUIS – Gregory Sansone has been living with OCD and depression for more than 30 years of his life. He has owned multiple successful businesses and has learned to overcome these two debilitating disorders in order to keep moving forward in his life. In his recent novel, Commit Emotional Suicide, Sansone shares his story and his recovery.
Commit Emotional Suicide is a book for those looking for a way to overcome their OCD and/or depression in order to live a powerful, positive life. The book tells Sansone’s story, which begins 33 years ago during his second semester of college. He discusses his struggles and triumphs and includes powerful tips, strategies, and distinctions, all of which were critical to his recovery.
“I am very excited for the release of my book and to be able to share my story with others suffering from OCD and depression,” Sansone said. “It is my hope that this book will help others realize the potential they have to overcome their OCD and continue to live a positive and successful life.”
Aside from his life coach services, Sansone is available for speaking engagements and seminars, which are focused on powerful living. He has spoken to over 300 professionals through CentrePointe Hospital as a consultant in assisting those who suffer with these incredibly disabling disorders. He has also been on the radio speaking as a professional on the matter and has traveled the country from coast to coast, seeking out the best in his relentless pursuit of OCD recovery.
A successful entrepreneur, Sansone currently owns and operates a thriving shopping center, which encompasses over 45 business and 17 acres of land. He resides in St. Louis where he enjoys his farm and six horses with his wife and child.
For more information, please call (636) 236-2267 or visit www.gregorysansone.com.